Habit of Being Defensive

Being emotionally defensive is a bad habit unless there is a war outside.

I’d like to see dominance as leadership and submission as following a leader. Somehow defensive behavior prevents both to lead and to follow. After a while defender stays alone with chronically high cortisol (anxiety) and lack of oxytocin (trust). And the only way out is to binge on bad dopamine and serotonin habits to color the life in the entrenchment a bit.

Potencial followers won’t follow a leader who is taking defensive pose. This individual falls out of any pack sooner or later. No matter who is he trying to be – leader or follower.

Being emotionally defensive. Over Protected Knight. Image from www.whywesuffer.com

However, individual might be forced to take the defensive pose. It’s shows up like a curse for example. Spiritual practitioners use a clue in the emotional system to put victim in constant anxiety. Person do not know what he is defending and against whom. Long term stress depletes body. Individual is unable to lead productive life. He is always on alarm and defend something. Emotional chemistry works like there is a war outside. Serious health problems comes with in 10 years of being in “entrenchment” or sooner.

None Defensive Social Strategies

Emotional defensiveness might be replaced with either dominance (leadership) or submission (following a leader) in order to turn defensive anxiety off.

Defensiveness is like a middle stage of person’s social hierarchy positioning.

Being defensive illustrates instability of social status. It is crucial to have stable emotional connection with a social group. This helps calm the anxiety down.

  1. To take dominant position individual should always act by adding a value and space to his and other people lives. And to be patient waiting they choose to follow him.
  2. To take submissive position its enough to serve someone honestly. Over all the right way is to leave some profit of everything that comes in touch.
  • However in real life defensive people fall into binge of dopamine inducing habits. These are use of sweets, alcohol, drugs, watching TV, surfing internet, playing videogames. Use of verbal proofing of their value, criticizing and blaming of others, being cynic etc.. All of this stuff just to feel independent while defending a unreal entrenchment.

The Causes of Defensiveness

People react defensively because they anticipate or perceive a threat in their environment.

Defensive communication expert Jack Gibbs outlines six behavioral categories that create defensive responses in people:

  1. Dogmatism – Black and white, I’m right and you’re wrong, either/or, and other kinds of all or nothing thinking and communication cause people to react defensively.
  2. Lack of accountability – Shifting blame, making excuses, and rationalizing behavior leads people to raise their defense levels.
  3. Controlling/Manipulative – Using all sorts of behaviors to control or manipulate people will lead to defensive behavior.
  4. Guarded/Withholding Information – When people feel like they are being left in the dark or purposely excluded from having information they should know, they are threatened and will react defensively.
  5. Superiority – Want someone to be defensive? Then act like you’re better than him/her, lord your power, knowledge, or position over them and see how they respond.
  6. Critical – A constant focus on catching people doing something wrong, rather than right, creates a climate of defensiveness.

How to Deal With Other People’s Defensive Behavior

Some people’s defensiveness is so deeply rooted in their behavioral patterns that there is little realistic chance they will permanently change. However, there are some helpful strategies we can use to deal with defensiveness:

  • Re-frame the behavior – Explore why the person is feeling threatened and work to address the threat(s). One of the reasons we get so frustrated with defensive people is we try to deal with the behavior without addressing the threat that is causing the behavior.
  • Reduce the danger – Once you’ve identified the threat(s) causing the defensive behavior, work to reduce the perceived danger. Be moderate in your tone, even-tempered, empathize with their concerns, be respectful, and respond non-defensively to avoid escalating tensions.
  • Replace negative feedback with questions or offers to help – If you have to regularly deal with someone who reacts defensively, you’ve probably noticed that the slightest bit of negative feedback sets them off. Replace the negative feedback with a question or an offer to help.
    For example, instead of saying “Sally, you made a mistake on this report,” rephrase it by saying “Sally, I’m not sure I understand this section on the report. Could you help me figure it out?”

    Remember, a person acts defensively because he/she perceives a threat. Try to make the situation non-threatening.

  • Avoid forced choice – The less people feel boxed in to either/or, yes/no, right/wrong choices, the less threatening the situation.
  • Treat people with humility – Approach other people in a collaborative manner, looking for ways to help them win in the situation. Take time to identify and recognize their needs, discover what’s important to them, and validate their concerns.

Defensiveness destroys relationships from the inside-out. It creates a climate of contention and tension that eventually leads to a loss of trust, alienation, and separation. Identifying the root of defensiveness in our relationships, and working toward addressing and removing those issues, will help improve the overall quality and the productivity of our relationships.

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Neural chemistry of shynessKautrīgums un neiro ķīmija

overcoming shyness

We all take time to get used to (or habituate to) a new stimulus (a job interview, a party) before we begin to explore the unfamiliar. After all, a novel stimulus may serve as a signal for something dangerous or important.

Shy individuals sense danger where it does not exist.

Their nervous system does not accommodate easily to the new. Animal studies by Michael Bavis, Ph.D., of Yale University, indicate that the nerve pathways of shyness involve parts of the brain involved in the learning and expression of fear and anxiety.

Both fear and anxiety trigger similar physiologic reactions:

muscle tension, increased heart rate, and blood pressure, all very handy in the event an animals has to fight or flee sudden danger. But there are important differences. Fear is an emotional reaction to a specific stimulus; it’s quick to appear, and just as quick to dissipate when the stimulus passes. Anxiety is a more generalized response that takes much longer to dissipate. Dr. Roy King, chief investigator of the project conducted at the Veterans Administration Medical Center in Palo Alto. King’s study, a small one, found low levels of the key brain chemical, dopamine, in 11 shy men examined in what may be the first analysis to associate the neurochemical to a normal personality trait.

Dopamine is a substance that is crucial to normal neurological function

And abnormally low levels of dopamine have been associated with Parkinson’s disease, schizophrenia and other disorders. But King insists his findings do not suggest that shy people have a greater predisposition to these dysfunctions. ”I did go into the study with the intention of seeing if high levels of dopamine were associated with increased levels of social activity,” he said. In animal research, drugs that increase dopamine levels — such as amphetamines and cocaine — tended to increase social activity in rodents. ”So, I reasoned that if such social activity as exploring holes is important to rodents and increased when dopamine levels rose, then social activity was also important to primates, particularly humans.” To King’s surprise, it was not high levels of dopamine that stuck out like a sore thumb in his study but the markedly low levels in two-thirds of his test subjects, the people whom he said expressed difficulty in social situations and who also had tested as being clinically shy. King had administered personality tests to 16 men. The five who were found to be extroverted showed normal to slightly above-normal levels of dopamine. ”Depressed people are very often shy, so now we have to extend this study to see if normal people test the same way — that is, if we can get them to undergo all of the procedures,” King said. His study supports recent work conducted at Harvard University by child psychologist Jerome Kagan, who has found that some babies appear to be born shy. This was determined from the way they respond to strangers.

In addition to genetic causes, there is also evidence that social anxiety disorder is caused by chemical disturbances in the brain.

It is probable that four areas of the brain are involved in our anxiety-response system: the brain stem, which controls cardiovascular and respiratory functions; the limbic system, which controls mood and anxiety; the prefrontal cortex, which makes appraisals of risk and danger; and the motor cortex, which controls the muscles. These parts are supplied with three major neurotransmitters: norepinephrine, serotonin, and gamma aminobutyric acid (GABA), all of which play a role in the regulation of arousal and anxiety. Research shows that “dysregulation of neurotransmitter function in the brain is thought to play a key role in social phobia. Specifically dopamine, serotonin, and Gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA) dysfuncition are hypothesized in most cases of moderate to severe social phobia.” Researchers continue to investigate whether neurocircuits play a role in the disorder. If this hypothesis proves to be true, it will clarify that there are genetic causes to social anxiety disorder However, the neurobiological information alone clarifies that there are biological causes to social anxiety disorder. *   *   *

Today’s word demands social interaction – both in love and business.

For this, we need to stimulate the oxytocin of the people we meet. Oxytocin is a chemical, produced in the human brain, that is so important in creating social bonds that it has been called the “love hormone.” It encourages people to overcome their natural wariness when faced with risky situations, a necessity when deciding whether to mate or do business with someone. Now you can spray this on before you go on a date or to a meeting, in order to inspire love and trust in the people you meet. Read the original source: http://www.unknowncountry.com/news/shyness-starts-brain-so-spray-trust *   *   *